Parent or Child, Who is to Blame for Behavior?

Parent or Child, Who is to Blame for Behavior?

We see a lot of young people getting into trouble in society today, some in very bad trouble.  Many want to blame the system, the environment, or the government for a lack of safety.  Yet there are plenty who would blame the parents.  These aspects impacting our lives play a role in the behavior we display. 

To a certain age, we could point the finger at the parents, or parent if a single-parent household.  We could look to the neighborhoods, missing fathers, and whatever else goes wrong in a child’s life to bring them to the point of trouble.  A big factor in beginning behavior is chaos in the home, children react to the parent’s behavior by acting out in negative ways.  Parents who have “high volume, low productivity” discussions are more likely to release their anger on the more difficult child, adding to the stress, anxiety, and anger of the child.

Children need to feel love from both parents, not just the words. Healthy attachment helps to prevent poor behavior.  The formation of who we are comes from our parents, the love of the mother, and the discipline and protection of the father.  Studies have shown that juvenile crime rates go up in communities having a high rate of broken families.  

Other factors, such as abuse, neglect, abandonment, and abuse from other children also make a negative impact on the lives of our children. These challenges and others can cause anyone to choose to behave poorly.  We get wounded the worst by those who are supposed to love and protect us, and our emotional self-preservation kicks in.  

Our attachments, healthy and unhealthy, form who we become as adults.  Our challenge, once we recognize where the problems began, is to focus our attention on what to do to change that behavior and/or immediate responses to stimuli. We are in control of ourselves, and at some point have to be accountable for the things we do and say.  We may even have a negative impact on our own children, thereby continuing the cycle of dysfunction, it is time for a change.

At some point, if we are the ones behaving in a way harmful to ourselves and those around us, we need to realize it is now our choice.  We make choices daily on how to behave, and it impacts others in a negative way, many times, those closest to us.  We need healing, and that is something that comes with help from others, learning to trust again, and how to walk in a relationship with people. 

Seek help from professionals who know how to facilitate your healing, ask family and friends to be patient with you while you make the necessary adjustments.  Realize you will not get it perfect at the start, it is a process, change always is, and you can do it.

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